Shorter , Shorter , Shorter....... GONE!

You know one of the the worst thing's about going though Chemo isn't the Nausea or crappy feeling. Its losing your Hair.

I was told that 14 day's after my first Chemo session i would lose all my hair. Well they were not lying.

Me before i found out i had Cancer.

So 2 weeks before my first Chemo session i decided to have some fun with my hair. I went to my good friend Stephanie and she cut my hair pretty short for me. It was so cute and all my friend's loved it. Honestly i did as well.

Me after my first hair cut with Maddie, Ryan and Leslie's youngest.

After my first session of Chemo i decided that it would be to traumatic to wake up one morning and have all my hair on my pillow like they told me it would happen. So i took a bold step and went to my sister Deonne and she cut is so short. It was a cute style but honestly i didn't like my hair that short.

Me again it just keep's getting shorter lol.

One morning i woke up and there was quite a lot of hair on my pillow, i started to freak out a little bit, i would run my hands though what little hair i had and it was just coming out in clump's. I started to ball my eyes out. I called Leslie and Roxi and started crying even harder, they were so sweet and caring and told me not to worry it would come back. I started making breakfast for Cody when a big chunk of my hair just fell into his cereal. I got mad and upset so many emotion's running though me. I called my sister and told her that i needed my head shaved right then and now, we arranged to meet at her salon and i prepared to go. Denise showed up first trying to calm down Deonne she was hysterical she didn't want to do it she didn't know if she had the strength to do. Denise did a great job of calming her down.

When i got there all my siblings where there, i was so happy they were there to support me and to go though this with me. I sat in the chair and Deonne ran the buzzer's though my hair and burst into tears "I don't think i can do this Dez" she said to me with tears rolling down her cheek's, i looked at her and i said "Yes you can sister" and she continued to shave my head. I looked over at Denise who was holding my hand and comforting Deonne at the same time and she was crying i asked her why she was crying and she told me she was proud of me and how grown up i was. After i was done i sat and looked at myself in the mirror i burst into tears and i saw all my family in the same mirror, standing behind me, supporting me and loving me i got up and my brother Paul rushed over to the chair and sat down and insisted Deonne did the same to him. My heart right then was filled with love and warmth he had every inch of hair cut from his head and face. And right then i knew that i would get past this, its just hair it will grow back i reminded myself.

After i was done i called Roxi and Leslie again and just balled my eyes out and once again they both comforted me and reminded me that it was just hair and that in order for me to get healthy, live my life and raise my son it was a temporary sacrifice.

A few days after that we had a birthday party for Ryan and my hair was driving me insane! So i got Deonne to Bic my head so i had nothing what's so ever. I sat in my bathroom and everyone just stood and watched and supported me. This is what family and friends are for, to support, love and comfort you! Thanks everyone.

GONE!!!! Me with no hair.

THE WIG!!!

My Daughter Courtney went out and got me a wig, and the night my hair was totally gone my friends decided to do a wig party for me, to make me laugh.

Ryan and he's oppsie pose!!!

What a idiot lol!!!

Leslie and her i am the coolest pose!!!

She makes me laugh lol!!!

Roxi and her hhhhmmm lemme think pose!!!

She's so funny lol!!!

For those of you reading this who are going though Chemo treatment, just remember it's just hair, it will grow back eventually. Just take it one step at a time, don't go crazy and right there and then bic your head as it will just be so overwhelming take it easy and when the day comes that it does finally just fall over turn to those people in your life that you know will make you think positive about it there will be the biggest help of all. Thank you everyone, my family my friend's you guys are so awesome.

The Reason's i will get though this!!!

When i first found out i had Cancer i was so shocked. I cried for hour's and felt so lost. I prayed for miracle, i prayed it was a dream. But unfortunately my miracle didn't happen and i was wide awake. I sat for hours going over in my head of exactly why i will get though this, why i will beat it and stay healthy and the people i need to stay strong for and guide for years to come.

My Daughter's.










Courtney The Nurse - My Oldest child and my pillar of strength. She is so kind and caring and i am so proud of who she has become. She lives in Idaho with my son in law Josh.

Cassandra the wild child - My Second Oldest and the most exciting child i have. Never a dull moment with this girl but she make's me smile. Growing up so fast and become a adult. She also lives in Idaho with her boyfriend.



My Son's

Matthew the smart and charming teenager - My Oldest son and the middle child and defiantly the calmest. He is so smart and caring and although i don't see him very often i can feel him growing. He has such a big heart. He lives in California with his Dad.

Michael the sport's fan - My second oldest son and second youngest as well he is beyond fun if i had to pick any of my children who is the most like me it would be Michael. He is funny and hyper and just makes everyone laugh he is growing up so fast. He lives in California with his Dad.

Cody the future Baseball Star - My youngest and my baby he is so full of life and still has year's of growing. He's so smart for his age, nothing gets past him. He Love's to sing and play and i love to listen and watch. He lives with me still here in Utah.

My Family.

(Pic's to come)

My Parent's.

The most wonderful parent's anyone could ever ask for. Both so caring and loving. They raised me well, and i wouldn't be who i am today if they had not influenced me as they have. Thanks Mom and Dad.

My Sisters.

Deonne,Denise and Cindy they truly are the most wonderful sister's anyone could have. Both of them are so caring and creative, i would not have been able to cope with this Cancer if i hadn't had them pulling me though it. They are the voice's in the back of my mind telling me to be strong and pull forward. I love you both.

My Brother's

Rick , Robert and Paul, What would i do without you guys. You all mean so much to me, you help me when my car breaks down in the middle of the street, you are my strength i look at you all and i know i can always count on that strength from you all. I love you all.

My Friend's and also my family

Ryan the DUDE!

I practically raised him, he is my nephew but also my best friend. He's vibrant, caring and fun. So many time's i have sat on my deck and laughed so hard. He is my strength also and i don't know how i would cope if it wasn't for him. He's lives in St George with Leslie and there kid's.

Leslie the bubbly friend


My Nephew's wonderful girlfriend and my best friend. This woman has to be one of the strongest people i have ever met. She has raised 3 beautiful girls who are my world. Every time i am sad i call her and just hearing her voice make's me feel better. She is my wisdom and i love her so much and i know without her my life would not be what it is now. I love you Leslie. She lives in St George with my Nephew and there kid's

Roxi the Crazy Chick

The British Chick i adopted. We met though work and she has been by side ever since. She is crazy, funny and has a big heart. She take's care of me and i know i can always count on her for anything. Plus i love hearing her talk. She is my motivation, i know when i get down and say i can't do this i don't want to do this she will turn around and remind of the reason i am doing it. She would be lost with me. I love you Roxi. She lives about 20mins north of me in Salt Lake City.

Chase and Russ

My 2 friend's i used to work with. They are the most honest people i know and i know that if i ever have a problem both of them will be there in a flash for me. I love them both!



And everyone else that has touched my life and my heart.

I will beat this Cancer!

I will be healthy!

I will be strong!

Not just for myself but for those of you who need me in your life.

I always say to my friend's "You are in my life for a reason" And this is entirely true, and i am in your life's for a reason and i don't plan on giving up or going anywhere.

Chemo round 1..!!!

On the 9th of January i had my first Chemo session. I went in at 8am with my sister Denise. We sat there for a bit and i had my blood work done. They poked me and stuck my IV in and started the Chemo, a bit into it i felt my throat closing up and for some reason my ears were ringing. I called over to the nurse to tell her what was going and she immediately turned my IV off. Apparently those are not good side effects from the Chemo. They pumped more fluids into me and started it again. It is the most weirdest feeling i think i have ever had. Your body heats up a bit and it felt like ants running all over my body.

I had Lot's of visitor's though out the day, Deonne, Russ, Keala, My Parents, Roxi and my Son Cody all came to see me. And my sister Denise stayed there the whole 9hrs i was having these drugs pumped into me.

That night i went home and went to bed. I felt dizzy and nauseated and very restless. The next morning Roxi and Russ came over to check on me. For the first few hours i was awake i was fine, I was my normal self just a lot more tired and calm. But then i started to feel really drained, dizzy and tired so Nurse Roxi sent me to bed and i passed out. She came in every hour on the dot the check my temperature. At one point i hit 101.4 and she started to worry, she made me take my medication and put wet towels on my head to cool me down and make my temperature go down. She told me it didn't go down till around 4am. Poor girl got next to no sleep. I barely remember her coming in at all i was so out of it.

The next day my sister Denise came over to go over paperwork and my insurance and of course to check on me. She brought my nephew Nick with her and brought food as well. Denise was explaining to us that there was some paperwork somewhere that explained exactly what do to if my temperature was to hire or i was having a reaction to the medication, which i forgot to give to the people who were looking after me at home WHOOP's and we found out that if my temperature hits 100.4 then we need to contact the doctor. So well at least we know that now right?
We all went over the paper work i had, bills, doctors notes, prescription's and a lot of information on Cancer and Cancer treatment.
After Denise left i started to once again feel dizzy and sleepy so Roxi and I put on Troy and feel asleep on my bed for a few hour's. I woke up a few hour's later and felt crappy i felt like i was going to be sick and my stomach hurt, my head hurt and i just wanted to give up right then but i knew i couldn't.

Roxi left at around 7pm and i watched a movie and feel asleep with Keala.

But then at 10pm there was a knock at the door. Keala opened it and there was Ryan fresh out of Jail. Roxi had picked him up and brought him over to see me before he left to go home to St George. It was so good to see him. We sat and chatted about what had been going on it really made my day so much better.

I went back to work on the Monday even though i was told by everyone i shouldn't have. I didn't feel so great so i came home and sat on my couch and watched the TV and had visitor's checking in on me. I went to bed a felt horrible and was sick once or twice.

Tuesday i went back to work, once again not listening to what everyone was telling me. Half way though my day i started to feel very dizzy my coordination was off i was dropping things and knocking things over and the passed out while talking to one of my work friends. I was taken down to Alta View hospital, where Keala met me.

The funny thing was the Doctor who was looking after me looked so familiar i stared at him a few minutes and looked at his name. I then came to realize that my Doctor was a kid who lived on the same street as me when i was growing up, it was such a lovely surprise, we chatted for a bit and caught up it was lovely. Roxi turned up about an hour after i arrived along with my brother Rick. They did another scan on my Brain to make sure that the Cancer hadn't spread there (of course we knew it didn't). I sat in that room for hour's i swear we watched American Idol and i made Roxi go to Del Taco and get me some food and a milkshake even though i was not supposed to eat anything. Bad Me! All my tests were clear and i was told i was over doing it. And was advised to take it easier.

Wednesday and Thursday i stayed at home and relaxed as ordered, still feeling crappy but not as bad as the last few day's.

Since my first Chemo session i have been doing really good after the first week things got a lot easier. I wasn't feeling so sick but my knee's have been hurting a lot from where the Chemo is killing off the Cancer Cell's and my eye sight has gotten slightly worse. Also my hair started to fall out but that's another story!

Now today i start round 2 of Chemo... Pray for me to get though it safely and that i am not too sick from it.

Introduction

My name is Desiree, but Dez to those who are close to me. I am 44 years old and live in Utah. I have 5 kids, 1 of which still lives with me and i am a single mom.

At the end of last year i was diagnosed with Lymphoma Cancer in my knee and needless to say i was shocked. I kept on asking why me? why do i have this horrible illness? I think everyone who has Cancer asks the same thing. And honestly there really is no answer. For those of you who are reading this and have been touched by Cancer please know you are not alone, even if sometimes you think you are.

My treatment plan right now is Chemotherapy every 3 week's for 5 months. After that a few weeks of Radiotherapy and we are hoping that will be the end of it.
I have had further scans of my whole body and also a bone marrow biopsy and thank goodness the cancer is no where else in my body.

I plan on blogging as much as possible on what i am going though. With help from friends and family we hope to touch your hearts and maybe even help others who also have cancer.

For stories or comments you would like to post please send them to dcalley@live.com and we will upload them.

Thank you.